Archive for the ‘ Uncategorized ’ Category

Nightmare on Eutaw St.

My goodness will these Tigers become eliminated from the playoffs because of the same problem they had last season?
Thankfully I have been unable to see these games on television. Starving artists do not have cable. This also means this post will be shorter than a Tigers lead in the late innings.
All I have to add to this post is that I have a difficult time stomaching that a team with Miguel Cabrera, Justin Verlander, Max Scherzer, Ian Kinsler and Victor Martinez on the roster will not win a World Series. I’m out.

Pro Scout Stalking Beer League

Eddie Bane, a scout for the Detroit Tigers, has recently been seen scouting an over 30 beer softball game in Warren, MI. Judging by the Tigers performance recently, we can only wonder why it has taken the Tigers this long to tap this available resource.
“He was askin’ all sorts of questions but it was at the end of the game, I’m lucky if I remember to take the keg with me for the deposit return by then.” commented John Fulstetter, a power hitting second baseman who sports three knee braces.
Gary Thibedeaux is another player that was interviewed by Bane. “I was surprised that scout sought me out as I pitch underhanded but he really seemed to be impressed that I could throw the ball for strikes. I know it is a longshot but I’ll keep my fingers crossed.” When asked how he would react playing next to Prince Fielder, Thibedeaux replied, “Well, that would make things come full circle. True story, I actually stamped out the sheet metal to the passenger side door for the Ford Bronco II purchased by his Daddy, Cecil back in ’92. It was the highlight of my career while working at Ford.” Here’s to hoping that Gary adds more to his human highlight film.

Tampa Bay Rays at Detroit Tigers – April 11, 2012 | DET Recap

Luckily, I didn’t follow this one. As much as I wanted to, when I pick up the two kids from school on Wednesday, I’m usually Amish until they leave around 7:30 or 8:00. I was able to catch the crawl on the MLB Network before the TV was switched over to Nickelodeon and it showed Detroit winning 2-0 in the 8th.

I was just elated. Verlander had now gone 16 innings without giving up a run, he will get his first win of the season and it will probably be a shut out. Boy what a difference four hours can make in my life. Verlander condensed his disaster to an even shorter amount of time by giving up four runs in the ninth inning.

How does a guy go from dominating the diamond to losing a game? Getting back to bad habits. Sometimes, no matter how much we know what to do or not has no bearing on what we actually do. Over the years, Verlander has learned that trying to put a little bit more on his pitches can have a negative outcome but that didn’t factor into his thinking in the top of the ninth. He was in trouble and he was going to get himself out of trouble. Any golfer fighting the urge to pound that little white ball into submission and losing that fight can understand JV’s thought process.

If a Tigers fan wants to find a positive from this it is that the Tigers lost in a positive way. They didn’t get blown out, they ran the baseball equivalent of the Belmont Stakes and got caught looking at the finish line. They weren’t beaten by a better horse, just a more experienced one.

Tampa Bay Rays at Detroit Tigers – April 11, 2012 | DET Recap

Horrible Timing in Comeback Win

Really, guys? Really? Easter Sunday is the day the Detroit Tigers decide to come back from the dead? Twice? It’s one thing to pay homage to the Son of God for dying for our sins and all but twice seems like you are showing him up or worse, minimizing His accomplishment. From a spirituality standpoint, the Tigers timing was worse than that serpent cozying up to Eve talking about apples.

When I apply the Tigers win in the days sporting events, it is just as bad. The Masters is like the World Series for people with no souls. The golf tournament has a huge following and insane amounts of media coverage. I would not be surprised to learn that the Golf Channel has a year round on-site reporter at Augusta whose main purpose is to familiarize himself with every single blade of fairway grass.

I can’t even watch Sports Center on ESPN during Masters week. The show that put ESPN on the map gets bumped so I can watch Scott Van Pelt and two creepy sidekicks with even creepier pedophile smiles discuss their personal thoughts on the upcoming tournamnet. The only fun I get out of this coverage is wondering if Van Pelts’ ties are getting brighter each year or is that just his head reflecting the light onto his tie. I should be able to find out next year as it doesn’t look like he has any more hair left to lose.

For those of you wondering where I’m going with showing up Jesus and Scott Van Pelt’s tie brightness, I will now come clean. Pure and simple, I was robbed out of coverage of the Detroit Tigers unbelievable victory Sunday. By staying and watching the final inning live on MLB Tonight, (great show, MLB), I was going to be late for work, it was just a matter of how late. There was no way I was leaving that game as I wrote just the night before that all the Tigers need on Sunday is, “a dramatic come from behind win for the hat trick.” When Avila squeeked that ball over the right field wall, all I wanted to do was watch it all again but I flew out the door and clocked in two minutes late certain that I would hear all about the victory on ESPN radio.

Did I mention it was Masters week? ESPN radio was clogged with golf coverage from Augusta, the final twosome had just taken their tee shots on 16 and I felt that I could withstand two and a half holes of golf if it were to be followed with a nice recap of the Detroit/Boston game. I quickly shot down to AM 1390, State College’s News Channel but heard the pope being translated into English and assumed it had more to do with Syria so I stuck with ESPN Radio. When I learned that eventaul champ Bubba Watson was the owner of the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazzard TV series, I began to pull for him.Especially for him to beat Oosthuizent, his partner, before the crazy thing went into a playoff. Of course the match went into a playoff and I was looking at about another hour or so of golf covergae until I could hear the sports world go wild about the Tigers beating the Red Sox.

The next three hours, made me question man kind and his cruelty to me. The playoff was won by Bubba Watson after two holes but the coverage, my god, the media coverage was more over the top than the Super Bowl and The Tony’s combined. It just kept going on and on like some kind of practical joke was being played on me and when we finally lost the feed from Augusta, the microphone was picked up by a Mets fan whose baseball team is also 3-0. She could have cared less about what happened in Detroit that afternoon. I finally shut off the radio and turned my iPod onto my Rage Against The Machine library and just let let those lyrics about how the man is keeping me down infect my ears.

When I was finally able to get home, I went to, queded up all the videos of the game and fell asleep while images of Miggy blasting a 3 run 9th inning home run and Alex Avila smoking a ball just over the yellow line in right field danced in my head for 3  hours until I was forced awake by my alarm clock which mae me realize that Easter is over, the Masters is no longer and whatever rabbit Detroit pulls out of its hat against Tampa Bay will probably be “above the fold” news. As no one watches NBA basketball or NHL hockey anymore, I will say the Tigers are good until early August when the NFL begins pre-season games. I’m out.

You Get What You Pay For

I’m sure after the Tigers low scoring game one victory over the Red Sox on Thursday, the Tiger faithful may have been scratching their collective heads over the millions of dollars locked up in the Tigers roster. Now they are scratching their collective heads wondering why they were doing so on Thursday. Mike Illitch got what he is paying for today and while it may not have been needed, it’s nice to know it’s available.

When a person follows baseball as long as I have, that person begins to realize teams usually perform offensively on an as needed basis. With Cy Young winner Justin Verlander on the mound Thursday, the Tigers provided just enough offense to win the game, three runs. With Doug Fister on the mound, the Tigers responded with a salvo of ten runs while blanking the high-priced Red Sox. It was a great team victory as the bullpen was required for more than half the game as Fister went down with a left costochondral strain that placed him on the 15 day disabled list today.

This was the game that Tiger fans have been dreaming about since Prince Fielder was signed to a nine-year $214 million dollar deal mid January. After sending much better than average Josh Beckett to the showers after putting up seven earned runs on him in just under five innings, the expectations may be a bit on the low side. The runs allowed by the pitching staff were four or five less than I had envisioned against Boston.

Other than losing Fister for two or three starts, this was a great victory. The Red Sox will finish with a top 5 or 6 record in the AL and they have now beaten them in a dramatic fashion and a blowout. All they need now is a come from behind victory for the hat trick. I’m out.



Buster Move

Buster probably talking about the advanatges of the low barometric pressure in the new Marlins Park.

Buster Olney, the young guy who acts like a crusty curmudgeon seems to be getting on one of my readers nerves. Seems as if all he does is gush about the new Marlins Park ballfield. Well, he was on Mike and Mike this morning, April 6th and guess what, he talked some MORE about Marlins Park. I can’t remember all the details as I was cracking up but he commented on the huge expanse of the outfield. Apparently, a player hit the ball a combined X amount of feet in yesterdays marathon game and “…had nothing to show for it”. He also “was talking with some people familiar with the neighborhood the stadium is in (sounds like it is built on the Orange Bowl site) and parking will be an issue”. The guy was in Detroit yesterday, spent three minutes on the game he was actually there for and four minutes on a game 1,000 miles away!

Wouldn't it be great if I had the talent to Photoshop Buster in some scuba gear in there?

New Writer “Hired”

Due to the magnitude of writing demanded of him, Razor has granted artistic liscense to his good friend Red River to cover the Tigers when they play against teams West of the Mississippi. This should begin on April 18th against the KC Royals which should work out well as Razor found Red face down in a cow chip pile in his best friend, Garlands barn. Apparently, Red has had some issues which will hopefully be resolved by April 18th. Red is well schooled in teams West of the Miss because that is as far as he got in geography class and doesn’t know that 75% of what America is all about still exists. We hope to keep it that way, his views are always refreshing.

Razor of Occam

Lucky me, catching Valverde blow his first save in the economic revival. This was my first time watching an Opening Day game in high def. My does that bunting look striking. You know what else looks striking? Ocatvio Dotel in a Tigers uniform. I think the Tigers own three pitchers in Valverde, Benoit and Dotel that could be closers on any nearly any team. If this is how Jose plans on being the closer, it is comforting to know that Leyland has other options.

I will not get into Verlander not getting the win because baseball is a team sport but a guy pitches a jewel like that he should be made prince. Oh, we already have one of those. Dauphin then? (Guy wins the MVP, and Cy Young and I won’t even make him a king. Nice.)

View original post

Need a Nickname

More Money in Mud

Lena Blackburne Rubbing Mud has been rubbed onto about seventy balls before every major league game since 1938. This is done to provide a better grip on the ball for the pitchers. (Which, I guess gives the batter a better grip on the batters box.) Lena’s has a monopoly on the minor leagues and some colleges as well so when I see a market domination of 74 years, I’m thinking big bucks. Try only twenty grand per year, according to Jim Bintliff, head mud gatherer. I think Lena needs to charge more or expand from the mud business. Here are some ideas:


Lena Blackburne Rubbing Mud Game Spa-This would be a hit with the New York and LA crowds. Take a mud bath while taking in a game. Even offer an in-game freebie to the head coach if his pitching staff is carrying and ERA higher than 20.00.

Lena Blackburne Rubbing Mudslide- 1 oz. vodka, 1 oz. Kahlua, 1 oz. Baileys, 1 oz. of cream, shake all ingredients and pour into an old fashioned glass that has been coated with Lena’s mud for a better grip.

Lena Blackburne’s Fishin’ Hole Po’ Boys- The secret location of where the mud is harvested was originally Lena’s fishing spot, may as well use all of that areas resources to make a buck. Since it is the Delaware River, making it a Po’ Boy means we don’t have to advertise what type of fish it is, which is a good thing because sometimes we can’t always tell.

Lena Blackburne anti- Philadelphia t-shirts- If Jesus were in carbon form today (assuming he was at one point), even He would hate Philadelphia. They are not the cleanest of citizens and since I have first hand knowledge of a Philly fan soiling the waters of the Delware, lets print up some t’s that state: “Hey Philly, Stop Dumping On My Mud!!- Lena” We will start distribution in the Northern Jersey/NY areas and try to harvest enough cotton to keep up with demand.

And those came with only five minutes worth of brainstorming. Imagine how many I would have had I graduated college. Those ideas could be an easy extra five grand to add to Jim’s more than likely mud-lined pockets.